PROBLEM & COMPLETION

Dear Love-friendship
I've been living with this guy about 9 years now. He says he loves me, but some of the things he does tell me otherwise. For example, I'll be trying to talk to him and it won't be 5 seconds and he's fallen asleep. But, then you have someone come over and he's up laughing and talking about anything. Then, after they have gone it's back to sleep, fishing or on the computer all night most of the time. If we ever sleep in the same bed, it's only because he sat down and went out. So, you see I'm left with feeling unwanted. I'll get in my car and go wherever only to go back to him and find he's mad at me for leaving. It's like he wants me here, but only when I'm not here. I sure hope you can help me out. – Faria, UAE

Dear FARIA,
I think it might be a good idea to write down everything you consider to be part of a good relationship. Then compare how much your current boyfriend meets those needs. If you are being honest with yourself, I think you'll find he falls short in many areas. If you're tired of being lonely and living life the way you are, get out. I know you've invested a long time into this relationship, and I don't think it will be easy for you given your boyfriend’s apparent nature, but you deserve better. You're not going to find your happily ever after with him. If happiness is what you want, you'll find a way to get out of this relationship.

With Love

Dear Dear Love-friendship,
My husband and I are separated, and he's been having an affair on the Internet. It started before we split. He's told the woman that he wants a divorce, but then tells his friends that he doesn't want one. We have been together for 13 years and married for 5 with two beautiful children. I have never been with another man sexually in the whole 13 years. He's running away from our problems and it feels like he's blaming me for something. I don't even know what. What have I done that he feels he has to punish me? All he shows is anger and then disappears off to her, or who knows where, and has no contact with his children either. It's just not fair. -Don't Know What He Wants

Dear Don't Know What He Wants,
Life doesn't always seem fair at first, but when you take an honest look you'll see things happen the way they do for a reason. I don't think his anger has anything to do with you. It is more of a reflection of what he knows he's doing wrong. Seeing you just makes it more obvious. Unfortunately, you can't make a relationship work with only one side willing to fix it. Don't wait for him to tell you whether you have a relationship or not. Your life is in your hands. If you're not happy with the way things are, say so. If he's not willing to get back together or help fix the problems you both are experiencing, initiate the divorce yourself. You have had many years with this man, but it doesn't mean that people don't change. You can love the man he used to be, but don't confuse that with the man he is now.

With Love,

Dear Love-friendship,
My ex and I dated for about 4 years. We broke up about a year ago and were still very close. We began seeing each other casually for the past 2 months. When we are together everything is perfect. We get along, always have much to talk about, share the same interests, etc. However, she does not want to have a relationship again. She says that she loves me and that she eventually wants a relationship, but I am seriously beginning to get heartbroken. I love her so much. I don't want to mess up what "could have been." I don't understand why she would put off a great relationship if she knows that this is eventually what she wants

Dear Almost Heartbroken,
There is much truth to the statement that timing is everything. We aren't always meant to be or do the things we want at exactly the time we think we should. Sometimes life has other plans for us. Having said that, limbo is not a very comfortable place for many of us. I think in your situation you need to assess exactly what stage of a relationship you are in (if any) and where the possibility of a relationship could be. Do you think she is serious when she says she eventually wants a relationship, or are you just her comfort zone since you know each other so well? It is critical at this stage to objectively look at these things. Don't let feelings of emotion blind you to what may really be happening. Your heart is an important part of you and its well-being should be a high priority. Don't ever waste your time with someone who doesn't feel the same way.

With Love,

Dear Love-friendship,
I'm a college girl and I just finished my first year of college. It was very hard on me in the first semester, but the 2nd semester was better. I found a guy who is the guy every girl wants to meet. I did not think our relationship would be so serious, but it was. Now I’m transferring to a school back home and I don’t ever think I’ll see him again. I did not know how to say goodbye when I left., but what now? I feel like a shovel has hit me hard. I can’t listen to any love music without crying. He is a shy kind of guy and I never asked him what would happen when I left. And I don’t know how to ask what’s happening. I don’t mind driving to see him. I would make a trip to see him. I’m just head over heals for him and he is not near me. What should I do? -Didn't Know It Was Love

Dear Didn't Know It Was Love,
Long distance relationships can be difficult, but definitely not impossible when there are two willing participants. Don't let a case of uncertainty stand in the way of love! He may be feeling exactly as you are. At the very least, give him a phone call and tell him how you are feeling. You'll only end up wondering what might have been if you don't take this chance now. And, if he doesn't feel the same way, at least you will know and can move forward accordingly.